Bayonetta review: Stylish Witches, Heaven, and Angels? Oh My!

Hot witch chick with a bunch of pink guns. Clothes made out of her very own hair. A few moves that show her butt. So what’s wrong with the game? Silly male gamers…

Okay, so I’ve never actually played the game. But I’ve seen it enough to get an opinion about it. The game was developed by Platinum Games in cooperation with Sega and came out for both the Xbox 360 and PS3. The game was released in January 2010, so this is a pretty late review.

Like my previous review, I’m going to break this up by categories that I think are appropriate for when reviewing a video game. I’ll say this quickly: I do not care about the graphics one bit. Unless the game looks like Pong, don’t expect me to say anything about the graphics.

I think the artwork is pretty good. Nothing too original, though. The angels that you face are pretty sick, though. I’m happy that they didn’t make them good looking or anything. The character and enemy designs were pretty good. I do find myself enjoying Bayonetta’s character, but, I don’t really CARE about her or any of the characters. There’s no connection that I’m used to.

The music is something I really didn’t expect. See, I’m a pretty big fan of the Japanese culture and its music – don’t get me started on Vocaloid – and it was a pleasant surprise to hear J-Pop during most fights. Very unique for a game like that.

The plot itself just seems like a big messed up jumble. There’s a big amount of original and then a big amount of cliche. I don’t know what to make of it at all. It seems like there’s just way too much going on at one time. Mind you, I haven’t seen most of these cutscenes and just read up on the plot, but… still. You can read any plot on the internet and get a gist of what’s going on. This is just one big mess.

Gameplay, the fights seem extremely difficult. I know for a fact that they hardly give you life. I’m not saying to throw me life every pot I break, I’m just saying, give me something. You end up wasting so many items for just one small little fight and then you’re immediately sent into a boss fight sometimes. It’s ridiculous.

Oh, and the voice acting! Now, I like most of the voices and the script is pretty good. I laughed when Luka was introduced. But there’s something that really bugs me about Bayonetta… For some attacks, the sound bit just doesn’t seem to add up at all. That’s too heavy a grunt for something like that or that doesn’t sound like her at all. Really gets under my skin.

I don’t think I’ll ever play this game for myself. It just doesn’t seem worth the time or effort to me. But, hey, it’s just my opinion. What do you think about Bayonetta? Have you actually played it or have you watched a friend play it?

About MajoraLon

I'm a huge fan of the Legend of Zelda and can play the piano. I'm not that great but I'm practicing. In my free time, I tend to draw, write, or make videos. I read more often online than a regular book because our library's so small and I've read almost everything I want there. Oh small public library, how I hate you...